checked by reality

Watched The Bridge last weekend.
I'm still dealing with the debris it left in my brain.

The Bridge
People suffer largely unnoticed while the rest of the world goes about its business. This is a documentary exploration of the mythic beauty of the Golden Gate Bridge, the most popular suicide destination in the world, and those drawn by its call. Director Eric Steel and his crew filmed the bridge during daylight hours from two separate locations for the entire year of 2004, recording most of the two dozen deaths in that year (and preventing several others.) They also taped interviews with friends, families and witnesses, who recount stories of struggles with depression, substance abuse and mental illness.

I knew going in that the film starkly showed people climbing over the rail and falling to their deaths. I knew that I was going to witness persons choosing to end their lives in a very final and somewhat public way. As much as we are conditioned by the violence and brutality we see on the evening news, this is akin in many ways to watching 9-11 footage. It's watching a beautiful day turn into something tragic. It's equal parts horrifying and at the same time, oddly familiar. And just seeing it once, certain images will sear themselves into your brain.

This film is not for everybody. It's a gut punch.
But it is also a very revealing statement about living with mental illness.

While I'm still unable to watch footage from 9-11, I watched this film twice over the weekend. Watching as people pace...lean against the rail...look out over the water...then make the decision to climb over in broad daylight with tourists just steps away from them and...let go. There is a certain epicness to it.

It was a somber puzzle that my brain kept trying to figure out.

As a filmmaker, I felt they handled the subject with a lot of respect. The music and editing did not attempt to enhance the emotion - there was no need to. The interviews with the witnesses and family filled out only some of what the image of the fall could not. Conversations with and memories of the victims - some mere moments before, most of them hours, days and years prior to the day on the bridge. It gives you a very small and fractal glimpse into the minds of the jumpers.

Like any conversation about suicide, it makes you think about people in your life that may have been touched by mental illness, depression and suicide.

That's where my brain is stuck. Between an image I saw on the screen and the stories of folks I know who have tried and/or succeeded in ending themselves.


Fortunately, Growing A Beard has arrived to scrub my brain.

In related news, Team Double Secret Probation came out of its summer hiatus and hit Quizzo this week. We came in second to our friendly nemesis "The Baracktobers." By two lousy questions! Arg.